


"I don't mind personally, but you really should probably stop doing this at some point."

by Worffan101



Category: Political RPF, Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Crack, F/F, Political crack, enjoy super-ladies punishing asshats, this is silly and doesn't have to make much sense, yo don't read this unless you like seeing bigoted morons like Geert Wilders left in a lurch
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-17
Updated: 2018-05-17
Packaged: 2019-05-08 07:45:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,093
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14689617
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Worffan101/pseuds/Worffan101
Summary: Astra and Kara put bigots in time-out.Really that's all there is to it.  This is crack.  :D





	"I don't mind personally, but you really should probably stop doing this at some point."

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Kendrickhier](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kendrickhier/gifts).



> For Kendrickhier, because he wanted that jerk Geert Wilders to be left somewhere miserable by Astra. :)
> 
> Unbeta'ed.
> 
> Previously on the Astra-Kidnaps-Trump AU: Astra left Trump at the South Pole and fell in love with Alex. They got married and Astra kidnapped Nigel Farage for reasons best known to herself but likely as a belated wedding gift to her wife. 
> 
> On with the gratuitous crack!

K2, or as the people of northeast Pakistan call it, Chhogori, is the second-highest mountain on Earth.  It towers above its neighbors, peak well over eight kilometers above sea level, one of the most infamously treacherous and unforgiving peaks on earth, so much so that a winter ascent has never been attempted. 

At its peak, high above the clouds, a straw-haired Dutchman tries to clutch the icy surface as best he can, the wind whipping at his clothes, and screams like a banshee. 

His name is Geert Wilders.  A notorious xenophobe, racist, and incendiary politician from the Netherlands.  He likes to blame immigrants for all of society’s problems and is distinguishable from Donald Trump mostly by his native language and through being somewhat better-looking (by comparison). 

And he has fucked up _big-time_. 

A mere two meters in front of and a meter above Wilders, a lithe, muscular woman stands on thin air, jet-black Kryptonian bodysuit hugging her svelte form and toned muscles as her hair flows behind her like something out of a goddamn shampoo commercial.  She wears a faint smile and holds her arms crossed. 

Her name is Astra In-Ze.  A former ecoterrorist and supervillain, currently in the process of trying to be a superhero.  A controversial figure, due to her willingness to engage in politics and disdain for such things as _restraint_ that other Earth-residing Kryptonians possess.  Also the wife to one Alexandra “Alex” Danvers (they’re thinking of hyphenating but are trying to decide between Danvers-Ze and In-Ze-Danvers). 

And she is in _big_ trouble when she gets home. 

“Let that be a lesson to you,” Astra proclaims, knowing that her niece and sister’s sister-in-law’s son are minutes away and will save the bigoted oaf before he can remove himself from the gene pool.  “To declare any culture or group of cultures inherently barbarous is fundamentally bigoted and unfair, something that I have had to learn myself due to my society’s insularity and arrogance.”  Alex is going to be _pissed_ , but in Astra’s defense, the man _did_ repeat Donald Trump’s accusation that ‘immigrants’ are ‘criminals and rapists’, and then doubled down by stating that Syrian refugees are ‘incompatible with civilized society’.  Astra, possessing a sense of fairness that is troublesome in its nagging power, did not approve. 

Thus, Geert Wilders is screaming on top of a mountain, trying not to fall to his death.  Not that Alex is likely to change her response just because the oaf really deserves it. 

“I’m sorry, alright?  Let me down, you crazy alien bitch!” Wilders screams in Dutch.  Astra shakes her head sharply. 

“No.  You will be retrieved in due time.  Until then, you will remain here and think about what you have done.”  She floats higher, turning slowly away. 

“You crazy bitch!  Who are you, the thought police?  I have a right to say what I want!” 

“Indeed,” Astra notes.  “And I have the right to inform you of the odious nature of your statements.  Consider this…an act of protest.  You will not be harmed, unless through your own idiocy.” 

“Hey!  Come back!  It’s freezing here, and I’m going to fall!  Hey!  Hey, don’t fly off, I’ll…” 

Astra slip far enough away at subsonic speeds to not knock the oaf off, then jets away at Mach 3. 

***

“You are in _so_ much trouble,” is the first thing Astra hears as she slips in the window. 

Alex is there, wearing a Henley and sweatpants, and her arms are crossed, a disappointed frown on her face. 

“I brought cupcakes?” Astra offers with a nervous smile. 

“Put them on the counter.  What the Hell, Astra?  I _told_ you that you need to stop doing this!” 

“I know,” Astra admits.  “I have been using the therapists at the DEO!  I have reduced the frequency of my urges to kidnap politicians, and am improving in my ability to resist the urge.” 

“Clearly you need to work harder,” Alex snaps, although her heart isn’t really in it.  To be fair, Wilders is the third racist imbecile who Astra has temporarily relocated, and while Alex disapproves _on principle_ she has to admit that Astra has good taste in people to kidnap.  “Baby, look, I don’t give a damn personally, even if you beat the tar out of that homophobic jackass Pence before leaving him at the North Pole; heck, kick him in the crotch if you like, _I’m_ fine with it, but it’s _not_ a good precedent to kidnap even terrible people, and it’s putting _you_ at risk!” 

Astra frowns.  “Pence?  I did nothing to that sentient stink-bug.  I kidnapped Geert Wilders and left him in the Himalayas.” 

“What?”  Alex is visibly confused.  “Then who left Pence at the North Pole?” 

A throat clears from the still-open window, and Kara stands there in full uniform, wearing a sheepish look as both women turn.  “Um…Alex…I kind of did a bad thing.  Mike Pence said some bad things about Lena, and about LGBT people in general, and so, I mean, I couldn’t help myself, I maybe kinda sorta left him at the North Pole and told him to walk home?” 

Alex gapes, then, after a moment, slaps her face.  “Of course you did.  _Of course_.  See what you did now, Astra?  Now _Kara’s_ copycatting you!  Kara?  Don’t do that again.  I’m going to have to call this in.” 

Surprisingly, neither Astra nor Kara gets in official trouble, as the new President decides that since nobody died and both politicians were very grudgingly rescued by Superman before they could freeze, that really no harm was done, and both were terrible people so they kind of deserved it anyway.  Astra is officially banished to the couch for a week “on principle”, but the personal thanks that Alex gives her against the apartment wall is well worth it. 

Astra buys her wife a children’s book about gay rabbits from a talk-show host’s charity drive to apologize anyway.  And when transphobic hate-monger Cathy Brennan is abducted and left in the Alps after a disastrous CatCo interview, Astra is at a romantic dinner with Alex and thus definitely not responsible. 

(it turns out that Superman’s gotten on the “kidnap bigots to punish them” bandwagon, and President Mattis (last survivor of former President Trump’s last-ditch firing spree) has to call all three Kryptonians to ask them personally to please stop before they cause an international incident)

(Alex just shakes her head when Astra gets the call, glad that it’s finally out of her hands, and pulls up Netflix to watch _Atomic Blonde_ with her dutifully contrite wife)


End file.
